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Xander Beersmoker - Bruh, It's Cold AF Outside

from 12 Days of Chillmas (Vol. 5) by Chillwavve Records

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lyrics

I really can't stay.
(Baby, it's cold outside.)
I've got to go away.
(Baby, it's cold outside.)
This evening has been…
(Hoping that you'd drop in…)
…so, very nice.
(I'll hold your hands. They’re just like ice.)
My mother will start to worry
(Beautiful, what's your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor…
(Listen to that fireplace roar.)
…so really I'd better scurry…
(Beautiful, what’s your hurry?)
… but maybe just a half a drink more.
(I'll put some records on while I pour.)
The neighbors might think.
(Baby, it's bad out there.)
What’s in this drink?
(No cabs to be had out there.)
I wish I knew how…
(Your eyes are like starlight now.)
…to break this spell.
(I'll take your hat. Your hair looks swell.)
I ought to say, "No, no, girl.”
(Mind if I move in closer?)
At least I'm gonna say that I tried.
(What's the sense in hurting my pride?)
I really can't stay.
(Baby, don't hold out.)
Baby, it's cold outside.

Merry Christmas to the ones who like me.
Wait, that’s no one.
Mistletoe’s no fun when you’re stuck, twiddle thumb, in the kitchen corner.
Thrashed on egg nog.
Could somebody fill my cup once again?
Finna get fucked up.
Now that’s a motherfucking Christmas party.

It’s Christmas Eve, and I’m stuck inside of my head.
I’m all alone in this home by myself once again.
This shit sucks so bad.
I want to go out and get fucked up again, but what good’s the effort when you come home colder than snow?

There’s a gingerbread man in my drink.
Holy fucking Santa balls, that’s forty levels of fucked up.
This shit’s a Pilsner.
It’s not your mocha, Coco Puff bullshit.
I can’t have one good thing for Christmas.

Oh, shit, I turn 30 in 11 days.
They say you stay the same from here to the grave.
Guess I’m stuck as this sad twig, crunchy and sans wit, dissecting words like a surgeon cutting corners.

I’m singin’ myself to sleep.
Got me all weak, these emo beats, comparting the soul into three.
Santa Claus ain’t gonna save me.

Shake it up, my little snow globe brain.
I got enough coal to last me a thousand days.
Nobody hears me, not even with pointed ears, so here’s a jolly fuck you and happy New Years

credits

from 12 Days of Chillmas (Vol. 5), released December 25, 2022

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Chillwavve Records San Francisco, California

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